laws are ridiculous

So at one point not too long ago I had occacion to read the Illinois state liquor laws, which are contained in 235 ILCS 5, the Liquor Control Act of 1934. In Article VI, there is a provision about the proximity of licensed establishments to schools and churches:

(235 ILCS 5/6‑11) (from Ch. 43, par. 127)
Sec. 6‑11. Sale near churches, schools, and hospitals.
(a) No license shall be issued for the sale at retail of any alcoholic liquor within 100 feet of any church, school other than an institution of higher learning, hospital, home for aged or indigent persons or for veterans, their spouses or children or any military or naval station....

Fair enough. Of course, like any good rule, there must be exceptions:

(g) Nothing in this Section shall prohibit the issuance of a retail license authorizing the sale of alcoholic liquor at premises within 100 feet, but not less than 90 feet, of a public school if
(1) the premises have been continuously licensed to sell alcoholic liquor for a period of at least 50 years,
(2) the premises are located in a municipality having a population of over 500,000 inhabitants,
(3) the licensee is an individual who is a member of a family that has held the previous 3 licenses for that location for more than 25 years,
(4) the principal of the school and the alderman of the ward in which the school is located have delivered a written statement to the local liquor control commissioner stating that they do not object to the issuance of a license under this subsection (g), and
(5) the local liquor control commissioner has received the written consent of a majority of the registered voters who live within 200 feet of the premises.

or

(k) Notwithstanding any provision in this Section to the contrary, nothing in this Section shall prohibit the issuance or renewal of a license authorizing the sale of alcoholic liquor at a premises that is located within a municipality with a population in excess of 1,000,000 inhabitants and is within 100 feet of a school if:
(1) the primary entrance of the premises and the primary entrance of the school are parallel, on different streets, and separated by an alley;
(2) the southeast corner of the premises are at least 350 feet from the southwest corner of the school;
(3) the school was built in 1978;
(4) the sale of alcoholic liquor at the premises is incidental to the sale of food;
(5) the sale of alcoholic liquor is not the principal business carried on by the licensee at the premises;
(6) the applicant is the owner of the restaurant and has held a valid license authorizing the sale of alcoholic liquor for the business to be conducted on the premises at a different location for more than 7 years; and
(7) the premises is at least 2,300 square feet and sits on a lot that is between 6,100 and 6,150 square feet.

BTW, if you weren't keeping track, the largest cities in Illinois are: Chicago, population 2,873,790; Aurora, 168,181; Rockford, 152,916. So when they they specify "located in a municpality with population greater than 1,000,000," it's just a fancy way of saying Chicago.

There's also this provision:

Sec. 6‑15. No alcoholic liquors shall be sold or delivered in any building belonging to or under the control of the State or any political subdivision thereof except as provided in this Act.

And shortly thereafter, we find this gem of a run-on sentence:

Alcoholic liquors may be delivered to and sold at any airport belonging to or under the control of a municipality of more than 25,000 inhabitants, or in any building or on any golf course owned by a park district organized under the Park District Code, subject to the approval of the governing board of the district, or in any building or on any golf course owned by a forest reserve district organized under the Downstate Forest Preserve District Act, subject to the approval of the governing board of the district, or on the grounds within 500 feet of any building owned by a forest preserve district organized under the Downstate Forest Preserve District Act during times when food is dispensed for consumption within 500 feet of the building from which the food is dispensed, subject to the approval of the governing board of the district, or in a building owned by a Local Mass Transit District organized under the Local Mass Transit District Act, subject to the approval of the governing Board of the District, or in Bicentennial Park, or on the premises of the City of Mendota Lake Park located adjacent to Route 51 in Mendota, Illinois, or on the premises of Camden Park in Milan, Illinois, or in the community center owned by the City of Loves Park that is located at 1000 River Park Drive in Loves Park, Illinois, or, in connection with the operation of an established food serving facility during times when food is dispensed for consumption on the premises, and at the following aquarium and museums located in public parks: Art Institute of Chicago, Chicago Academy of Sciences, Chicago Historical Society, Field Museum of Natural History, Museum of Science and Industry, DuSable Museum of African American History, John G. Shedd Aquarium and Adler Planetarium, or at Lakeview Museum of Arts and Sciences in Peoria, or in connection with the operation of the facilities of the Chicago Zoological Society or the Chicago Horticultural Society on land owned by the Forest Preserve District of Cook County, or on any land used for a golf course or for recreational purposes owned by the Forest Preserve District of Cook County, subject to the control of the Forest Preserve District Board of Commissioners and applicable local law, provided that dram shop liability insurance is provided at maximum coverage limits so as to hold the District harmless from all financial loss, damage, and harm, or in any building located on land owned by the Chicago Park District if approved by the Park District Commissioners, or on any land used for a golf course or for recreational purposes and owned by the Illinois International Port District if approved by the District's governing board, or at any airport, golf course, faculty center, or facility in which conference and convention type activities take place belonging to or under control of any State university or public community college district, provided that with respect to a facility for conference and convention type activities alcoholic liquors shall be limited to the use of the convention or conference participants or participants in cultural, political or educational activities held in such facilities, and provided further that the faculty or staff of the State university or a public community college district, or members of an organization of students, alumni, faculty or staff of the State university or a public community college district are active participants in the conference or convention, or in Memorial Stadium on the campus of the University of Illinois at Urbana‑Champaign during games in which the Chicago Bears professional football team is playing in that stadium during the renovation of Soldier Field, not more than one and a half hours before the start of the game and not after the end of the third quarter of the game, or in the Pavilion Facility on the campus of the University of Illinois at Chicago during games in which the Chicago Storm professional soccer team is playing in that facility, not more than one and a half hours before the start of the game and not after the end of the third quarter of the game, or in the Pavilion Facility on the campus of the University of Illinois at Chicago during games in which the WNBA professional women's basketball team is playing in that facility, not more than one and a half hours before the start of the game and not after the 10‑minute mark of the second half of the game, or by a catering establishment which has rented facilities from a board of trustees of a public community college district, or in a restaurant that is operated by a commercial tenant in the North Campus Parking Deck building that (1) is located at 1201 West University Avenue, Urbana, Illinois and (2) is owned by the Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois, or, if approved by the District board, on land owned by the Metropolitan Sanitary District of Greater Chicago and leased to others for a term of at least 20 years.

Whew.